Understanding
by star429
Summary: One-shots post 4.01 centering around members of the family starting to understand, starting to see things from Brallie's perspective. First one is Mariana's POV while talking to Callie herself. Second one is Lena's POV while talking to Monte (though I DO NOT ship them, and you won't see any nonsense with them here). Not a story with a clear resolution. Skip if anti-Brallie.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N I have these two one-shots post 4.01. I'll be posting one tonight, one tomorrow. I'm damn certain they're nowhere near upcoming canon lol. I have no plans to make these a story with any kind of ending, happy, sad, or otherwise. I just want to see some understanding from this amazing family, so I wrote it myself.**

 **If that's your kind of thing, too, enjoy!**

 **Understanding**

"No! Nick… No, please!" Mariana cried out in her sleep.

"Mariana, wake up, it's just a dream."

Mariana screamed, and Callie shook Mariana gently, forcing her to wake up.

Mariana jerked awake. Her eyes were wild, and her hands went to push Callie away, to defend herself. Callie backed away, not fighting her.

"Mari, it's Callie," Callie soothed, going back to Mariana's side slowly. "You're safe. Nick's gone." She paused. "It's over, Mariana, you're safe."

Mariana was gasping for breath, trying to find reality. Slowly, she found it, but she was still gasping for air. Her body lagged behind her brain's realization that she was okay.

"Take some deep breaths, Mariana," Callie said calmly, squeezing her hands. "Follow mine." She sat beside Mariana, helping her get her bearings. "Breathe."

Mariana did as Callie instructed, following her breaths. Slowly, too slowly, she felt her body calm. "Thanks," Mariana finally said.

Callie nodded, an answer of its own, an _of course._ After all, they had already been through this routine more than a few times.

"Do you want to try to go back to sleep?" Callie asked, knowing the answer.

Mariana shook her head harshly. Callie went to sit behind Mariana, gently tugging her to lay with her head on Callie's lap. Callie slowly pulled her fingers through Mariana's hair, trying to soothe her.

"Callie, you can go back to sleep. I'll be fine."

Callie responded as if Mariana hadn't spoken at all. "Talk to me?" She asked softly, continuing to pull her fingers through Mariana's hair.

"I close my eyes and he's right there," Mariana said softly in a whisper. "And then I wake up… And I don't understand. I don't understand how one minute, I was kissing a guy I shouldn't have been kissing, and the next minute, I was in danger, my family was in danger, even my school… And I had a gun in my face. It's like, my brain keeps going over and over it, and I can't make it stop." She spoke calmly, but her body shook slightly.

"It wasn't your fault, Mariana." Callie looked right down at Mariana seriously.

Mariana closed her eyes. "I keep doing this, Callie. I keep cheating. Maybe I deserve…"

"No!" Callie was fierce in that moment. "There is nothing you could have done to deserve this. You hear me? Nothing!" She squeezed Mariana's hand for emphasis.

Mariana looked up at her older sister, calmer now and paying closer attention. She could see Callie's eyes glaze over a bit as she said, "For the longest time, I thought that what happened with Liam was my fault, too. I was… I was in a relationship that I chose, I was… teasing him. I was ungrateful for him paying me attention. I was the monster in my own head, not him." Her eyes cleared, and she looked at Mariana again. "I was wrong."

"How? How do you do… _life_ after this? How do you trust yourself again? How do you trust _anyone else_ ever again? Because I can't see it, Callie. I _liked_ this guy, and all along, he had the capability to…" Mariana wept softly.

Callie brushed the tears away. "Time. It'll get better. You'll have things you need to do, like I needed to take of Jude. You'll learn to trust yourself again. I'll be right here until you do."

"And trusting other people?"

Something flickered in Callie's eyes for a half a second, something Mariana was slowly learning to recognize. Maybe, on some level, she always had. Normally, she would stay silent, scared of what it meant. But it was two in the morning, she had just almost had a panic attack, and she wanted the distraction. Talking in the middle of the night made her feel brave, and she could use more of that.

"You're thinking about Brandon." It wasn't a question or an accusation. It was a fact.

Callie's entire body froze, and Mariana sat up, facing her. Getting Callie to talk about this beyond what she and Brandon had physically done was like pulling teeth. Talking to Brandon was a bit of a logistical challenge at the moment. So far, Mariana hadn't had much success with either of them. But maybe the night could make her sister brave, too.

"I'm going to get you some water," Callie stood up hastily and turned for the door, grabbing Mariana's cup on the way.

"Callie!" Mariana shouted in her loudest whisper.

Callie stopped, but didn't turn around.

"He won't come home," Callie spoke, in a broken voice. "He was the one who showed me how to trust again, and because of me, he won't come home. That's how I've repaid him for it." She took a deep breath. She still didn't turn around. "So if you think you've done something unforgivable, then _believe me_ when I tell you I've done worse."

 _That's the first sentence I've gotten about anything emotional between them since this started. I think we call that progress._ "Turn around."

"I can't do that. If you understand… You're _really_ Brandon's adopted sister. Your relationship works the way it's supposed to. You know what it's supposed to look like better than anyone else in this house. And once you understand what our relationship was really like, _is_ really like, you'll know…"

Mariana sighed and went around in front of Callie, facing her. "I _do_ know, Callie, and I still love you both." Callie had tears silently running down her face. "Come on, I really don't want to sleep, but I really do want to talk to you. You've been here for weeks dealing with these nightmares with me. Let me listen to you."

They both went to sit on Callie's bed this time. Callie looked down thoughtfully. "You think it's the bed? Your bed? Where Nick found you? We could switch."

Mariana shook her head. "We could try that, but you're deflecting."

"You could sleep in Brandon's room."

Mariana shook her head again. "He will come home, and besides, I like having you here when… when I have dreams," she admitted.

Mariana paused. _All right, I'll start._ "Have you?"

"Have I what?"

"Slept in Brandon's room."

Callie's eyes widened, first in surprise, and then her face crumpled a little in what looked like sadness before settling to her normal expression. _How many times have I missed that? Also, how does she_ do _that?_

"No." Her answer was short, so short that Mariana was sure there was something there, some memory, but she didn't continue with _that_ line of questioning.

"I've talked to Brandon about this a couple times, you know."

"I didn't know."

Mariana nodded, grimacing. "I was pretty mean to him when he told us he kissed you. I was pretty rude every other time we talked about this, too," she admitted.

"He didn't kiss me," Callie spoke hollowly. "I kissed him. I guess he thought that he could protect me by taking the blame. Or he remembers it differently. We kissed each other, and that's the whole truth. Who started it really doesn't matter. It was enough…"

"Enough for what?" Mariana asked, holding her breath, hoping Callie wouldn't close up again.

"Enough to put Jude in danger. Enough to start a relationship. Enough to establish that we were in big huge trouble."

"But you were happy?" Mariana asked. It confused her; they were risking so much back then, how could they also be happy? She knew that Brandon and Callie loved this family, would do anything to protect any member of this family. Putting it at risk… It just didn't make sense.

"Always deliriously happy with him. Always sad we could or would hurt you all." Callie spoke, seeing Mariana's obvious confusion. "The morning… you know… after…" She blushed a little, and while Mariana had been trying not to think about Brandon and Callie having sex, she understood that Callie needed to talk, so she didn't stop her.

"I was out of my mind happy. I could have spent the rest of my life there." Callie smiled a little, then sobered. "But I was still thinking about moms, about how angry and hurt they would be. Brandon could tell, so he asked me if I was okay." She looked at Mariana searchingly, and Mariana got the sense that she was searching for proof that she should finish her thought.

She must have found it, because Mariana's breath was stolen clear away by what she said next. "I said, 'I've got you, don't I?'" It was so telling, this idea that even when Callie was facing moving _again,_ potentially being in the system _again,_ away from Jude _again,_ she could still be _happy._

Suddenly, Mariana cannot for the life of her remember the last time her sister looked truly happy.

And her brother…

" _You know how much I love Mat."_

" _You think that just because you love somebody, that it's okay to hurt other people?"_

" _That's easy for you to say!"_

" _No… no, it's not easy for me to say!"_

"You… You're in love with him."

"Mariana…"

"And he's in love with you…"

"No, Mariana, he's with Cort. Seriously with Cort. Bought a house for her. Living with Cort and raising her child _serious_ with Cort. Remember? We're throwing them a house-warming party for God's sake!"

"Uh huh. And what was your plan when you and Brandon were together? Probably something similar right? Minus the kid?"

Callie looked like a deer in headlights, she also looked unbearably sad, and Mariana knew she was right. "I'm right, aren't I? He's mad at Mom, sure, and Moms are pissed as hell at him, but that's not why he won't come home. He's living out the life with Cort he at one point planned to live with you, and he has no idea how to face reality, come home, and act like your brother. So he won't. That's messed up!"

Callie sighed. "He said… He said, 'How are we supposed to live under the same roof anyway?' I didn't have an answer. I _don't_ have an answer."

Mariana nodded.

"When we made those plans… That was the first time he played _Outlaws_ for me, and the last time it was… for _me._ We talked about a kitchen table, and we talked about his piano, in a tiny little apartment just for us." It almost sounded like the words were torn from her. It was heart-breaking to listen to. Whatever blinder that kept Mariana from internalizing the idea that her siblings were at one point serious about one another is gone.

" _Outlaws_ was for you… R and J was about _you…"_ Mariana paused. "The other piece is about you, the one he played at Disney Hall."

Callie only nodded.

Mariana shook her head slowly in amazement. All of that evidence was _right there._ She mentally berated herself for missing the context of _Outlaws._ Just the title alone should have given them away. "How can we believe it's really over when all it took was one night of believing you two wouldn't be siblings?" Mariana put the question out there. "You slept with him. You… _trust_ him. You know each other better than anyone else."

"We're a family now," Callie said, sounding like she's made the point before. Mariana knows she probably has made that point to their moms several times.

And Mariana understands why Moms accepted it.

Even though Callie never actually answered the question.

But… "You're going to be at each other's weddings? Be the aunt and uncle to each other's kids? He didn't even like being around AJ! You squint every time you see Cort!"

"It'll get easier when we go to college."

"What if it doesn't?"

Callie squeezed her eyes shut. "I. Don't. Know. Mariana, _please_."

Mariana stopped talking. She hugged Callie, reeling from all of this. "Is there anything I can do?"

"No," Callie whispered. "No, this is my mess."

 _And Brandon's,_ Mariana couldn't help but think. _And how do we all deal with this when he figures out he's too young to raise someone else's child and comes home?_ She hugged Callie tighter, daring her moms, the universe, and/or God to take her sister away. She wouldn't allow it. She'd rather constantly risk walking in on her siblings having sex with each other.

The thought almost made her laugh, and she had the fleeting optimistic thought that if she could laugh about this, then maybe the rest of the family could learn to do the same.

Maybe there was hope.


	2. Chapter 2

"Lena?" Monte asked, knocking at Lena's door tentatively. "Can I talk to you a sec?"

Lena looked up and nodded. She noticed that Monte shut the door behind her and straightened instinctively, expecting to talk about the situation with Gabe or orchestrating their official response to the lockdown.

Monte wordlessly handed her a piece of paper and sat across from her.

Lena, puzzled, took it from her and started to read.

 _Hi Monte,_

 _I hope that you're doing well. I am writing to ask for the contact information of two students, seniors, that were somehow in Stasia's class during the lock-down. She said that her blood sugar got very low that day and she was very scared, but these students – Callie and Brandon, I think she said – looked after her and the other students. I would like to thank them personally myself. It's so nice to hear about such a young, responsible, and very capable couple. My daughter and her friend were very impressed with them._

 _I would also like to talk about how we can make sure that subs are more informed about events like this going forward. A couple of the other parents and I have been talking, and…_

Lena stopped reading and looked up. She and Monte had already discussed better training for their pool of substitutes on lock-down protocol. It wasn't mandated by law, but it was just good sense. That's certainly not why Monte had printed this email and brought it to her rather than just forwarding it along.

Monte met her eyes without any judgment. This was a public situation now, and Monte knew about the accusations being made. She didn't know they were true. She didn't know that it had caused an emotional explosion in her house so massive that no one was protected from it. _Well, perhaps Jesus._

But apparently this mother and her daughter didn't know that Brandon and Callie were supposed to be siblings.

 _Or maybe they just didn't care._

"I'll just leave this with you? You can contact her and set up something?" Monte didn't comment on the couple part.

Lena nodded, not knowing what else to say.

Monte looked like she might have something to say, but as had become her custom since Stef found out about _the kiss,_ she nodded, turned, and went to leave.

"What does a 12-year-old girl see that I don't see?" It burst out of her.

Monte paused before turning around. She slowly went back to sitting across from Lena. "You know your kids, Lena."

"Apparently, I don't," Lena simply and sadly responded.

"So it's true." She didn't sound horrified or surprised.

Lena shook her head. "They're not a couple."

"But they were at some point?"

Lena looked away. She couldn't bring herself to think much about it, much less say it.

"You know your kids," Monte repeated. "People don't…" She paused, considering, and Lena had the distinct impression she was about to hear something she didn't want to hear. "In a crisis, people put their energy where it needs to go – to the crisis, which is exactly what they did. I hardly think they were making out during a lock-down! They probably just… have an easy short-hand or communication style. Like couples do. Kids pick up on those cues."

Lena slowly shook her head. "It wasn't the crisis." She took a deep breath. "It was the audience."

Monte said nothing, just raised her eyebrows in a silent question.

"When I saw them, I really could care less that they had lied to me. I just wanted them in my arms as quickly as possible." She took a breath. The memories were still so _hard._ In the back of her mind, before they knew Callie and Brandon were in the sub's room, she had considered that maybe, Callie and Brandon had somehow figured out that Mariana was in trouble because of Nick and gone after her. It would be just like them. She had considered the possibility that without even knowing it, she had lost all three of them.

"But Brandon wouldn't hug me until Callie was done. We're a group hugging family, but they didn't so much as brush hands that day."

"In front of you," Monte added, kindly but firmly, like she thought Lena was missing something important. "They didn't check in with each other over this massive and public embarrassment or about the lockdown _in front of you._ "

Lena closed her eyes, clearly in pain.

Seeing this, Monte quickly said, "Lena, I'm sorry, I'll just go."

"No, stay… I need the outside perspective," Lena admitted. Lena could feel something in her brain shifting, even as a part of her fought it.

"You think they're protecting us," Lena spoke, hallow. "That this lie… it came from a place of protecting the family. So that's why when they're with us, they're different than how they are with each other alone, or even just around _other_ people."

 _Why didn't you tell us?_

 _We didn't want to destroy the family!_

It was only more eerie that Brandon had responded the _exact_ same way when asked the same question later.

Monte shrugged. "I think it's definitely a possibility. And of course protecting Callie's placement and adoption, too."

 _Callie's the one who said something, not Brandon. Self-preservation isn't a strong enough motivation for her, but protecting her was enough for him to keep it secret. Would they have EVER told us if not for Justina? (Were we better off not knowing?)_

Lena's head was spinning. Again. "It's a lot of lies to forgive for good intentions, Monte. We can't give out extra credit for that. Stef and I haven't even gotten all the way down the rabbit hole with them. I don't even think we have the whole story yet."

Monte was silent.

Lena had known her long enough to know she was holding something back. "What?"

"Is it really the lying that bothers you, or is it the way they felt about each other? That is to say, do you even really _want_ the whole story?"

Lena was reminded of why she had started a friendship with Monte in the first place. Monte was quickly able to get to the heart of matters, and she wasn't afraid to talk about it. But Lena had done everything possible to avoid thinking about that question, to avoid asking Stef that same question. Because if Brandon and Callie fell in love… If they can't make it stop…

 _We stopped everything, immediately._

 _Is that even possible?_ Lena questioned the Callie in her mind.

"It could just be attraction."

Monte shook her head gently, giving her a pitying look. "You know your kids," she said again, one final time, gently and meaningfully.

The implication was clear. Their compassionate and caring oldest children would _never_ do something that would potentially hurt the family unless their feelings were real.

And if that was true, if they were in love or _are_ in love, then they will never feel like siblings to each other.

 _We stopped everything, immediately._

 _How?_ Lena asked again. _How is that possible? How can they just turn their feelings off?_

Lena tried to imagine sleeping with someone and then realizing that it all had to stop the next _day._ Not just the sex, but the intimacy, the connection. She tried to imagine that neither she nor her partner (and she couldn't help but imagine it to be Stef) wanted to break up, but it all still had to stop. She tried to imagine that this person was also her best friend. She tried to imagine that this person also slept a room away from her.

The pain at just the _thought_ was intense. Was that why Brandon left? _This is what two of their kids had been living with?_

"They've been in so much _pain_ ," Lena said in realization. It was like a light bulb.

"You'll fix it," Monte said, confident. Lena wished she had that same confidence.

"What are we doing if biology really is the be all end all to making a family?" Lena asked, desperate for an answer. At the heart of it, Callie and Brandon's emotional connection forced her to question the idea that DNA doesn't make a family. Maybe on some level it _does,_ and _that's_ the hardest pill to swallow for Lena.

Monte looked confused, like that was preposterous to even consider the idea that DNA was the only way to make a family. That comforted Lena somewhat. "You consider Stef family, don't you?"

The analogy was clear.

"They're very young, Monte," Lena said, almost scolding.

"It does happen, though. I have friends who have been together since high school. And even if they aren't together forever… You really want them to have regrets and what-if's this early in life?"

Lena didn't know what to say to that. What if they did someday decide that they wanted to be together despite the family's wishes? What if they lost Callie and Brandon over this someday?

Haven't they already almost lost Brandon, even though him and Callie aren't together anymore?

 _It's the fear of the unknown that's the worst,_ Lena realized suddenly. _It's the not knowing how they felt, how they feel, what they'll do going forward, what they had before..._

The only thing Lena was sure of at this moment is that she wanted to know everything, even if it hurt, even if it made part of her recoil because they're both her children in all the ways that matter.

If her love really was unconditional, as she and Stef have clearly been struggling to get across to Callie, then didn't that mean she _had_ to find a way to accept the parts of Callie and Brandon that were drawn to each other as much as she accepted every other part of them?

"Thank you, Monte. I still don't know what we're going to do, but thank you."

"No problem."


End file.
